Out of Control

Congratulations to Annette Bening on her Oscar nomination in THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, for the role described by the NYT as “a controlling lesbian.”  I say it’s about time! Time not just for Annette Bening to get an Oscar. It’s way past time for a controlling lesbian role to be so honored.

Really, it’s an honor just to be nominated. And I’m not just saying that.  Look at this year’s other nominated roles: really sad mom, have-you-seen-my-dad teen, really beautiful in love girl, nutzoid ballerina. We are honored just to be in the company of these groundbreaking roles, but since we so rarely get this far, I hope this really is our year.  Unlike the Jets.

Make all the controlling lesbian jokes you want.  Red carpet: “What are you wearing, Eddie Bauer flannel?”  After-party: “YOU read Vanity Fair?” Post-Oscar: “Will you put your Oscar near your softball trophy?”

Of course there have been lesbians in film: British teacher lesbians, serial killer lesbians, nun lesbians, cowgirl lesbians, horse-loving lesbians, soccer lesbians. Just this year Angelina Jolie was one shoot-em-up, mankiller badass in SALT. But she never came out as a lesbian. She didn’t have to.  Sue Sylvester is not Jane Lynch and besides that would be for the Emmy.  This is a first for a boldly controlling open lesbian.

I’m working on some ideas for the controlling lesbian acceptance speech.  Word to the wise: don’t you dare start up the band music while the she is thanking her gym teacher, Title IX, and PFLAG parents. That would not be pretty.

I know I speak for all controlling lesbians, when I say, “Let this be our year! Or else.”