Middle Finger Lickn Goodness

Great news KFCers! The Colonel’s people have announced it is now testing edible coffee cups in its British franchises. The cups are made from a wafer coated in sugar paper and lined with heat resistant white chocolate.

Show of hands – who knew there was such a thing as sugar paper or heat-resistant white chocolate? Also, when did the Brits start drinking coffee? Are they able to drink coffee only if it tastes like chocolate on their fried chicken slicked tongues?

The cups were fabricated by YUMS, specialists in edible packaging. Try their potato-starched wrappers printed with vegetable inks!

The unfortunately named Scoff-ee cups will be dosed with ambient aromas – Coconut Sun Cream, Freshly Cut Grass and Wild Flowers – to evoke memories of warm weather, sun and summer holidays. The Earl of Grantham just blew an aorta.

According to one “purveyor of curious events and experimental food” the cups answer Millennials’ need for sustainability and simplicity.

Again, hands. Who knew Millennials preferred packaging that could be made into furniture and boxes repurposed into other uses? Is this their Thatcherish idea for dealing with homelessness?

Still, with the hands please. When did Brits start eating chicken and out of buckets? And when did the C in KFC also indicate Coffee?

Here’s a suggestion. This summer in the Northeast, KFC franchises offer cups of iced coffee dosed with the aroma of Chapstick, Salt Trucks, and Sorel boots? The cups will be a chillled edible metal you’ll stick your tongue on. It will bring out memories of polar vortices, cabin fever, strained muscles and this winter’s unending hell. I’m going to Arby’s.