CommuniKate: Blog Archives
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August 31, 2007
Restless Craig Syndrome
As Senator Larry Craig revealed on the police tape, (and why was that police tape revealed?) he is not gay and he doesn't do that sort of thing. No, no, no. Obviously, he suffers from restless leg syndrome. And the side effects of the new drug he is on are an increase in gambling and sex addiction. I bet he will use the RLS Defense for that toe-tapping.
August 30, 2007
Dog Days of Summer
Have you tried the three dimensional thesaurus? You probably have been using it for years, but I just recently discovered it. To find a synonym, you type in the word you need some others for, press “enter” and faster than even Google can congratulate itself, a very space age, beautiful floating word map appears like an answer in an upended eight ball.
The 3-D thesaurus looks like a word tinker toy with the key word on the center sprocket with spokes to other words. But I think there might be lead paint on it. I already had to ditch my Lead Barbie by Mattel. That kind of word-centric architectural construct is what it would take to diagram the recent events of the summer. I’ve tried a linear description to make sense of it, but it looks like one of my grade school sentence diagrams with adverbs dangling off adverbs like some mutant creeping vine.
The word at the center of the construct you’d need to Venn this late August is “dog”. As in dog days of summer. Off that would be the Michael Vick dogfighting/gambling spoke. Barry Bonds must be relieved to have the spotlight off him. Vick admitted running dogfights and inhumane treatment of dogs in his care. In a dyslexic moment of atonement, he said he’d found god. He could go to jail and his days of dogleg right quarterbacking for the Atlanta Falcons seem to be numbered. He would have received no time if he had just modeled himself after another football player and killed his ex-wife. He might even have gotten a book deal.
The understandable revulsion over the canine mistreatment suggests that news coverage of the war, floods, scandals should focus on dogs to get people riled up. Dogs are dying in Darfur! Dogs don’t have basic healthcare! Dogs were disenfranchised in Florida! The dogs of war are fighting a losing cause in Iraq! It seems to get people’s attention. Mitt Romney’s family vacation saga and mistreatment of the family’s beloved Irish setter would be a way into the story of his former Idaho campaign manager, the foot-tapping, non-gay Republican senator, Larry Craig.
Just as the Dick Cheney Buckshot Lunch incident had lost its absolute last shred of funny, along came Craig’s list of hilarious hypocrisy. During June, AKA Gay Pride Month, Senator Craig was picked up for lewd behavior in a bathroom at the airport in Minneapolis, the site of next year’s Republican Convention, if they have one. In our house, we think Dick Cheney is just going to declare himself the candidate. Larry Craig’s version of Dick’s Cheney’s famous line, “I just had a beer at lunch,” is “I’ve got a wide stance in a bathroom and my foot might have grazed the officer in the stall next to mine.” Ooftah! P.S. Larry’s drag name is “Miss Construe”.
Another spoke off “dog” would be the Alberto Gonzalez resignation. Although he submitted his resignation on a Friday, the story was released during Vick’s Monday press conference. Gonzalez, described as “the dogged defender of Bush”, wrote the rules of torture, some involving dogs on leashes, and was Bush’s lapdog at the Justice Department. Gonzalez’s hangdog announcement was in contrast to Karl Rove’s. With his master smiling his unconditional love behind him Rove, top dog, announced he was leaving to spend more time with his family. Which was last seen running from the house. Chinese Dog Food inspectors at least have the decency to kill themselves when things go wrong. Rove took a victory lap on the Sunday morning Kennel Club shows. He said he was like Moby Dick. The Moby is silent.
Your president George Bush once said that his is a lonely job, that at the end of the day, all that’s left is him and his little black dog Barney. Where is Laura? Has she left the family to spend more time in politics?
August 24, 2007
Back By Popular Demand: A Private Internet Chat With Kate Clinton: Wednesday, September 19, 2007, 9:30pm EST
The last chat went just as well as the first one, so we're having a THIRD one on Wednesday, September 19, 2007, at 9:30pm EST. Kate's looking forward to seeing you all there, so mark your calendar and tell your friends!
How, you may ask, do you get in on the action? A special edition of CommuniKate will be sent out for the password, so if you're not already subscribed, now's the time! Here, do it right now, you won't be sorry:
Once you've got the password, this is all there is to it:
- On Wednesday, September 19, 2007, at 9:30pm EST, go to: http://www.lingr.com/room/5pzGiQKXop6
- Enter the secret password and hit the "Enter the room" button
- Enter the nickname of your choice and click the "Start chatting" button
- Chat!
August 23, 2007
Bill Richardson opened a big gay can of worms on the LOGO debate - we're back to GAY 101. Do you think being gay is a matter of biology or choice?
Kate wants to hear from you! Bill Richardson opened a big gay can of worms on the LOGO debate - we're back to GAY 101. Do you think being gay is a matter of biology or choice?
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell us what you think. No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
August 15, 2007
You LOGO, Girl!
Could I possibly be more jaded? The Democratic presidential candidates made time in their multi-formatted debating/campaigning/fundraising schedules to debate on, as the other cable-anchorites called it, “LOGO, the gay-themed cable channel.” And I was all ho-hum.
It took me an ungrateful minute, but that was awesome! Holy Yes I Am, Batgirl! It’s 2007 and there’s a ding dang gay channel and the Dems debated on it. We took our rightful place with YouTube questioners, blogging conventioneers, whooping AFL-CIOers on steaming hot Soldiers Field. Next stop: The Food Channel. Would you ban transfats in Oreos? Discuss.
Despite dire, bogus FOX warnings that it’s a known fact that candidates who align themselves with gay groups don’t do well in elections, develop hardened facial boils and a propensity for lattes, those otherwise chickenshit-can’t-defeat a wiretapping-bill-before-recess Democrats did due diligence and appeared on LOGO. They did not return our calls. Their lowly staff minions, often closeted gay preppies, didn’t sneer “As if. . . ,” at the invitation to participate. They saved that for the Republicans.
Not only did the Dems debate, they struggled with their answers. It was painful/fun to watch them twitch and spin their desire to get rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, their love for their gay friends and family, their support for workplace non-discrimination and, then try to square all that good will with their logic-defying lack of support for gay marriage. We’re used to the liberal, secular version of love the sinner, hate the sin. I do hope some straight folks were watching. Some candidates, okay Hillary Clinton, seemed much more cautious and aware that anything she said would be an ominous tagline in a Republican campaign ad in about ten minutes.
We’ll see if the candidates are as gay-forthcoming in non-gay formats, but I wish one of the gay inquisitors, [we had gay inquisitors! Oh how our place at the table has turned!] had asked them if they thought heterosexuality was a choice or biological. I didn’t mind Bill Richardson’s answer at all. I’m pro-choice all the way. Being a lesbian is the choicest choice a gal can make.
As I redden at my own jaded, ho-humming this morning, I’m receiving excited e-mails about the departure of Karl Rove, who announced that he is leaving his post as presidential advisor to spend more time with his family. Which was last seen running screaming from the house. Some posit hopeful scenarios that finally the Dems are going to nail him. Oh please. They are hapless. And Dick Cheney is still running things, getting ready to declare martial law and his pre-emptive presidency. Karl Rove is figuring out how to spin that scenario right now. I think I’m beginning to identify the source of all my jade.
But that night on LOGO was still gob-smacking awesome. And not just because it wasn’t a rerun of Prisicilla, Queen of the Desert.
August 13, 2007
LOGO Forum
Kate,
Will we be treated to your take on last night's Logo Prez Forum?
Were you dying for someone to ask Bill Richardson whether he thought he
was born Hispanic or chose to be that way?
Margo
_______________________________________________________________________
Hi Margo,
Bill Richardson has done a lot of very gay positive things in his state. I really admire that about him.
The whole question of choice or born this way is such a trap in a sexual liberation movement.
The real issue is that it should be normal, healthy and natural to chose to have sex with someone of the same sex, whether it's discovered we have a gay gene or not. No one ever asks if heterosexuals were born that way. I'm a lesbian and it's the choicest choice I've ever made!!
Best,
Kate
August 10, 2007
Out As A Teacher?
Kate,
Were you out as a teacher or did you come out as you changed careers to
performing comedy?
Love ya,
Alicia
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alicia,
I came out in January of 1978 and was having too much fun to return to teaching the next year. My fellow teachers tried to figure out the big morning, sleepy faced smiles. I did not come out then, because I really didn't know what I was doing except having a mad time with a woman! They all know now and are very proud of me. At least the ones who get in touch.
Best,
Kate
August 09, 2007
Where you my english teacher?
Were you my English teacher at Melrose High School in 1975??
Elizabeth
_________________________________________________________________
I was there in 1975. Aren't we supposed to be able to google this stuff
using that yearbook function that keeps popping up so annoyingly?
Hope you are well and not too damaged by my teaching.
Best,
Kate
August 08, 2007
Leaving The US of A
Kate,
With all this global warming going on at what point do you think I should
start looking for work close to the Arctic?Circle?? To be honest, I have
been looking and found a most excellent job working as an addictions
counselor at place called Yellowknife, Great Nothwest Territories,
Canada.? When you look at the pictures it is really quite beautiful in a
monotous white snowy kind of way.? Have you checked into relocating yet??
Personnally I have talked with my friends and not one has agreed to visit
yet?should I go there.? Maybe once it has warmed to a mere?-15F.? Bet that
would help with the hotflashes though and the sun never sets so think of
how productive you would be! And no George Bush?& Co.? Really though, at
what point should one think about migrating, do you have a checklist and
would you mind sharing?? And when it comes to migrating what does your "to
do" list look like?? Thanks so much,
Happy summer,
Kathy
______________________________________________________________________
Kathy,
I used to think of emigrating to Canada - and Yellowknife also is dark a lot in the winter - but I've decided not to give these idiots the satisfaction and to stay and keep laughing at them.
But I do have some lovely Polartech numbers that are going to waste. If you head north, let me know, I'll send some going away gifts.
Best,
Kate
Always and Forever
How did you and your partner last so long? I am 21 years old and have been
with my partner/wife for 5 years. I want to be with her forever. I just want
to know it's possible. What do you think?
Be well, Erin Rehmann
______________________________________________________________________________
Dear Erin,
Well you are one year older than our relationship! I think we are a lucky blend of tragedy and comedy, and I'm not telling which I am. It varies. Mostly, we just try to tell each other the things we are afraid of saying. And then laugh.
Relationships are an amazing spiritual journey and they don't require churches or collection baskets.
Keep at it!
Best,
Kate
Things Look Grimm
As promised, as soon as July 4th weekend is over, it’s a pretty quick slide downhill to the end of summer. Soon it will be Christmas. Already as I leave my show at 8p and go out to meet and greet my dear audience, the sun has set. April might be the cruelest month, but August has a nasty side to it.
Because I left the island for India for a week of celebrations for my partner’s Dad’s 80th birthday, I missed most of PTown’s Family Week. From what I did see and heard, they had a blast. The weather was hot and glorious and the beach at Herring Cove was a festival of multi-colored inflatable. COLLAGE, the group for children of gay parents was a huge presence this summer. I’m glad of that. In previous summers, there were just little kids from one to five and then nothing. I was worried that the gay parents were trading in the older kiddos. One way or the other, we are changing the structure of family. ‘Bout time.
This week is the lull week before Carnival. The first half of the week, everyone re-tools from Family Week and the second half everyone tries to remember what Carnival Theme is this year. Where is that formula for papier mache? The World Famous, second annual Drag Kickball Game is a riotous mid-week fundraiser.
Back to school ads have appeared. Or I just noticed them. A red leaf appears like a shock in thickets of green. It’s no longer light at 530 a.m. Soon George is off to vacation in Texas. The chickenshit Democrats, who couldn’t forestall the bill for more wiretapping, are off on recess. Even Iraqi lawmakers are taking the month off. I can’t make myself watch another candidate debate. Almost every third car visiting Ptown sports a variant of those Countdown to Bush’s last day bumper sticker.
This just in: this year’s carnival theme [thank god for ptown.org] is the very cheeky and redundant Fairy Tales. Thank goodness!! At this point fairies are about the only thing I believe in! Am off to get batteries for my wand.
August 02, 2007
Vote For Kate Clinton!
THE ADVOCATE HEROES
For our 40th anniversary issue, The Advocate is honoring 40 gay heroes...and we need your help.
The list features 100 of the most notable gay people from the last four decades—politicians, artists, activists, and more. We're asking you to help us rank them by voting for the people you feel have made the most significant impact. We will determine rankings based on your votes plus editors' input, and the top 40 heroes will be featured on the cover of our anniversary issue.
What do we mean when we say "greatest gay hero" of the past 40 years?.....
http://www.advocate.com/takeSurvey.asp?surveyID=19
Thank you for your support.
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