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October 30, 2007
K8T Asks: Halloween?
Kate wants to hear from you! The next question of the week, straight from Kate, is: If you were into such a thing - WHAT scary political figure would you be for Halloween?
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell her what you think! No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
Lexington
Do yourself a favor and just sell your house or break your lease and move to Lexington, Kentucky. Sure, their football team might have lost their last two games, but you don’t really care about that any way. It is totally happening in Kentucky. Or KY as it is fondly, double entendrely, known.
It was, after all, in Lexington, KY in the late 1980s where I received that best compliment ever. After my show, I went out for a bite to eat with the producers. A young woman came up behind me, clapped me on the back and announced loudly, “Kate Clinton, you made me want to fuck again.” Luckily, at the time I had no adult beverages or food products in my mouth.
You’d be green with envy at what’s happening in this red state. Often when people are really up against it, they are made to unite and organize as if their lives depended on it. Lexington, seems to be a bluish dot in an otherwise carmine state, but they are fixing to export their LGBT pride throughout the state.
My performance at the Singletary Center on the KY campus was a kickoff fundraising event for a one-year old group, JustFundKY. That’s not just funky. No. Their goal, under the dynamic leadership of Debra Hensley and Rep. Ernesto Sansone, is to raise money to fund the wonderful work that is already being done statewide. The very generous Scott Todd pledged to match any money raised, dollar for dollar, up to $500,000.
A thousand folks came out for the show, necessitating two big TV screens so the folks in the back could see my nosehairs. It was eerie to see myself out of the corner of my eye. I wish they’d played the World Series Game instead. PS Red Sox: when you sober up from the celebrations, do not go near A-Rod. It’s all about him. And if he was that good, he would have been playing in the World Series, not interrupting with news of his free trade status.
Okay I feel better.
Lexington is gorgeous country that had just begun to show hints of fall color. I was well cared for by Rachel King and Gloria Hansen, horse farm owners and “retired” transplants from San Fransisters. They moved to KY nine years ago and have never looked back. Lexington has the second highest per capita gay population of any city in the country. They both said that they really feel like they can make a difference there.
It could be a new NORC [naturally occurring retirement centers] of the South. Check it out.
Pre-Collision Intelligence
On long flights, I like to watch movies with the sound off. When I get home, I watch with the sound on and compare the actual story with the story I’ve made up. I was so wrong about About a Boy. I hope they never show Snakes on a Plane on a plane.
I also like to watch muted ads to try to figure out what product is being shilled. Whenever I see an actor friend in a commercial, I have a clue, because she claims she specializes in the lower gastro-intestinal tract. So that doesn’t count.
During the World Series, [note to Red Sox: when you sober up, do not even think of hiring A-Rod, he’s a spoiled trouble making diva] between the interconnected beer and erectile dysfunction ads, I laughed every time that woman jogger ran into a parked car. Even when she got up, dusted herself off and slammed into the car again, I laughed. I still don’t know if the ad is for running shoes or lasik surgery, but my girlfriend is shocked at my low threshold for the pain of others. I thought I knew what the unsettling “pre-collision intelligence” ad was about, but it actually has something to do with a car.
Full disclosure: I suffer from the condition known as “pre-collision intelligence” and I wish there were a pill for it. It would have to be the size of a direct TV dish. When I’ve forced myself to watch the train wreck that is the president do a press conference, I have kept the sound off. He seems to have a little pal planted in the front row that he smirks at, like “Can you believe they’re going for this crap again? Whooee!”
First, is it my imagination or is my presidential profiling accurate in assessing that the mysterious hair area 41 between the presidential brows is growing? The area, on others known as ‘the third eye’ has a thatch of hair that now melds into his eyebrows making for a uni-brow that looks like a very wooly caterpillar. It’s going to be a long nuclear winter.
Let’s review: when we have weapons of mass destruction, they are called nuclear weapons; when other countries have nuclear weapons, they are called weapons of mass destruction. Everybody has caught on to the discrepancy. Ahmadinejad, Chavez, Putin, even Castro’s brother are laughing in our faces. We are the Rodney Dangerfield of countries.
As the Republican candidates sink further into a swamp pre-owned by the Democrats and now in foreclosure, my pre-collision intelligence tells me that while boy George jaw jaw jaws about working with other countries to spread democracy, he is fixing to bomb Iran, declare a state of emergency, and a third term. My friends think I’m being paranoid, but watch for the developing silly gism of: Katrina is to California just as Iraq is to Iran. Don’t just watch their lips move. Unmute. “California shows how much we learned from our mistakes in Katrina. [especially if we’re rescuing white people] We’ve learned so much from our mistakes in Iraq. We’re ready for Iran.”
He declared a first term and nobody stopped him. You tell me why not a third?
October 22, 2007
K8T Asks: "I'm turning 60 next month - what should I tell people to get me for my birthday?"
Kate wants to hear from you! K8T Asks: I'm turning 60 next month - what should I tell people to get me for my birthday? I always ask for world peace and an end to the oppression of women. I figure if I get the second one, there will be world peace.
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell Kate what you think. No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
October 21, 2007
ENDA don't MENDA
On a scale of one to Betty White, the Ellen DeGeneres Iggy Custody Story, unlike the off-the-charts Michael Vick dog-fight gambling story, is about a seven. And this is not just me talking. The home office has run the story through a rigorous, impartial, sampling process that included the Mitt Romney “Irish Setter in the Dog Carrier on Top of the Family Car Going on Ten Hour Ride to the Family Vacation” Story. They’ve been very thorough. The needle on the meter never even brushed eight.
Thanks to YouTube, I caught up on Ellen’s story. When I first heard about the dogfight, the cynical me wondered if it was Sweeps Week. This despite the fact that I have been treating my cyno-malaise with drugs and hot rocks massage. On day #3 of the saga, Ellen delivered a deftly impassioned call for acceptance and forgiveness and let’s move on dog org opening monologue. She mentioned the death threats and violence toward the Mutts and Moms Dog Rescue Shelter and said flatly, “It’s not okay.”
Ellen’s reasoned plea for everyone to sit and stay, could be a blueprint for warring factions everywhere. Condoleezza Rice who is doing the traditional, end of term, desperate, diplomatic shuttling for a Mideast solution might have learned a thing or two. I hope Condi has Tivo.
Watching the intensity of the first day, when Ellen broke down, I marvelled that she had shared none of this intense emotion when she came out, lost her sitcom, and surely struggled with the consequences of coming out. But that’s a lot to ask and really none of my beeswax.
And, full disclosure: I am not a dog person. When I was three, a big German shepherd jumped in my stroller and scared the bejesus out of me. A year later I saw a Boxer tear another dog’s ear off in a dusty, adrenalized swirl in my otherwise placid neighborhood. Dogs know I’m not a dog person, and each one tries to prove that she is not like those other dogs.
For the last few months I have been advocating that the genuine outrage dog lovers and the people who love them evince in these stories should be harnessed for other events people don’t seem to care about at all. I tried to get Nancy Pelosi to use, “Puppies don’t have healthcare,” to override W’s veto of SCHIP.
Ironically, while this Iggy top story rules the week, in Washington DC, GLBTs are trying to pass ENDA, the Employee Non-Discrimination Act. Or actually, they are trying NOT to pass ENDA. How weird is that? The bill had languished around for years under the slobbying efforts of HRC, but suddenly gained a new leash on life, when Rep. Barney Frank tried to get it out of committee, minus the provision for ending discrimination against our Ts, transsexuals. And why now? I bet you can get ENDA with a T when W is gone.
On a scale of one to Renee Richards, it’s not okay.
Three hundred and two organizations have signed an endorsement to re-introduce transsexual protection to the bill. Wisconsin’s fearless Rep.Tammy Baldwin motioned to put trans protection back in the bill.
It’s a wicked mess. How about “Labradoodles need rights too!”?
October 17, 2007
Women's Week
The Provincetown Women’s Innkeepers put on their 23rd Annual Women’s
Week and it was a rip-snorting good time!Thank you to them and all their hard work. And many homegrown thanks to Lynn Mogell and all the innkeepers who honored me with their first
Woman of the Year Award.
The schedule of events was jam-packed, the performers in town almost
out-numbered attendees, the guest houses were full, the weather could
have been more cooperative but everybody seemed to snuggle up and have
a good time. I know I did. Despite the annoying cold I caught from
some Typhoid Lezzie early in the proceedings.
Thursday’s Annual Touch Football Game at high noon at the Bas Relief in
the center of town was well-played by rotating teams of seven players.
Everyone looked very festive in red or white team jerseys supplied by
NCLR. Suzanne Westenhoffer’s galpal, Jen looked excellent in her black
and white ref shirt and officiated a great game. Vickie Shaw did play
by play, like a crazed southern Howard Cosell on the megaphone. We
even had four orange cones this year to indicate what actually might be
a touchdown. It started to rain after the game. No one got hurt,
maybe a little dinged and sore the next day but the crowd loved it.
The town was awash in performers in venues all over town. Thanks to
all who came to my shows and hooted and hollered and stayed to chat
after. It was great to see so many of you.
It was also great to see so many of my sweet sister performers day
after day in this one lovely place. Comics, singers, actors all put on
quite the show of lesbian culture and entertainment. Masquerade balls,
a basketball night with Cheryl Swoopes, Girl-Power dances, a
Romping/Stomping Lesbian Revival meeting, dinners, parties, and the
sheer enjoyment of outdoor acitivites on the tiny spit of sand known as
Ptown made for a total blast.
Hope everyone got one of my “Hilarity Clinton, 2008” buttons and is
wearing it back in your hometown. It’s a wonderful conversation piece!
The town is quiet this Sunday night. Fantasia Faire, a special week for
Transvestites known fondly in town as “The Tall Women” is up next and
early arrivals are promenading down Commercial Street in their London
Fog raincoats and size fifteen heels.
I’m so proud of my town. The women innkeepers of Ptown make all feel
welcomed.
October 08, 2007
K8T Asks: Outing?
Kate wants to hear from you! K8T Asks: What do you think of "outing"? Do you think it's different from "reporting"?
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell Kate what you think. No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
October 07, 2007
This one's for you, Mildred
For those of you breathlessly waiting to update my where and how-abouts, with your pushpins suspended over your darling homemade Kate Clinton tour maps, I apologize for my tardy check-in. Your arms must be sore. You know who you are. Mildred W. in Sioux Falls.
The reason for my silence is quite simple. The collapse of the Mets. I mean, I knew that the bee colony collapse which I have been following and chronicling for you, a bit obsessively some would say, signaled the beginning of other collapses – bridges, mines, the dollar, Oral Roberts University – but the Mets were way ahead of their division with just two weeks to go and they didn’t even make the wild card draw. Never has any team in baseball suffered such a precipitous end of the season collapse.
I have no idea what I am talking about. I am merely parroting the ESPN chatter that is the only thing I can safely watch on television without mild panic attacks. Rachel Ray gives me agita. Did you know that those big-necked sportscasters say basically the same thing hour after hour with maybe a few new scores here and there? They are very convincing in their endless enthusiasm. Does anyone ever randomly test them for performance enhancement drugs? I bet Balco delivers.
Speaking of which, I love Marion Jones. Now more than ever. She made an apology that was clearer than her clear and should be a template for all other apologies that we will never hear from Bonds, McGwire, etc. I knew she was roiding back at the Olympics and my feeling was give her more and let’s really see how fast that gal can go. Whining George Vecsey, eat my dust.
About that pushpin. I had the complete pleasure of appearing in DC with Norman Leer’s advocacy group, People for the American Way for their Liberty Awards. Richly deserved awards were given at the Kennedy Center to entrepreneurial philanthropist, Tim Gill; documentarians of “Jesus Camp”, Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady; Rutgers Women’s Basketball coach, C. Vivien Stringer and Madame Speaker of the House, California’s gift to double knits, Rep. Nancy Pelosi.
While I was onstage I got the international symbol for “keep talking” from the show’s producer, Joel Silberman, because the speaker was still on the hill trying to get the Children’s Health Insurance Bill passed. It passed. George vetoed it saying we didn’t have the money for it. That was the same day the Senate approved 459 Billion for war spending. I want my ESPN.
A few days later, I had the pleasure of attending the huge Out and Equal Workplace Summit also in DC. I attended panels and plenaries, got to hang with the amazing band Betty! and to be inspired by Toshi and Bernice Johnson Reagon. The 2300 attendees were fired up to continue to bring LGBT visibility and equality to their workplaces. I emceed their raucous awards dinner, a celebration of their good work. Justice is good business. Someone tell George.
Today I am gathering up the pinnies and the orange field cones for my annual Touch Football Game at Women’s Week. For those of you with your pushpins, Mildred, I’ll be in Ptown all next week for what we used to call “The Running of the Mullets”, but we are way too styling for that kind of talk now.
October 02, 2007
Age Difference
Kate,
I know that there is a slight age difference in your age and your
girlfriends.? I am 42 and my partner is 19 years older.? In your
experience, what has been the best and the worst part of your age
difference?? What has been the affect on the relationship?? Inquiring
minds want to know.?
Warm regards,
Alicia
---------------------------------------------------------
Alicia,
We have a twelve year difference - I'm older. Mind you, if Urvashi
were twelve years older than me, she'd still have more energy. She
keeps me on my toes. I guess the worst part is that there is a
statistically good chance that I'll be shuffling off my mortal coil
before her. I'll miss her. So it's just better to think that today is
the only day. And today, despite her amazing brilliance, she has no
clue how to make a good looking gay bed.
Best,
Kate
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