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January 31, 2008
Argh O’Mateys!
Am just back from a lovely Olivia Cruise celebrating their 35th Anniversary. We sailed out of Ft. Lauderdale, where all the older northern gays who can afford it, have migrated. We sailed and out toward the Turks, Tortola and I jumped ship in St. Maarten. Sad to say it was a bit rainy and cloudy the days I was on board. I believe it was a low-pressure disturbance from all the hot air coming out of Florida. B-bye Rudy!
k.d. lang did a sail away concert and kicked off her world tour of her new CD Watershed. She absolutely kicked the guts out of a Jane Siberry/Leonard Cohen medley that warmed the hearts of everyone especially the Canadians. Margaret Cho also did a hysterical set that even bothered me in some sections. That’s a good show.
After they jumped ship, we set sail and though I’m usually a good seafarer, I had to take a couple Bonine, my new drug of choice, to get through my show. It did enhance my performance, but not my memory. The front row, coupla co-dependent gals from Seattle, were very helpful in keeping me on some kind of track.
The 35th Anniversary cruise was like old lesbo-week reunion. Holly Near brought her posse – Adie Torf, musician-extraordinaire; Amy Horowitz, founder of Roadwork and Sisterfire; Melissa Howden, Holly’s former road manager and documentary filmmaker; Torie Osborne, women’s activist and organizer, fresh from being the deputy mayor in LA. Meg Christian was in the house. Our dinners were raucous – esp. after they discovered to their horror, that I was for Hillary Clinton.
My pal Kate Moira Ryan, who wrote the BeeBo Brinker Chronicles based on the Ann Bannon lesbian pulp novels of the 1950s, had a little rest before returning to NYC and rehearsals for the show that opens off Broadway on March 5. It is a must see. I’ll tell you more about it later.
Thankfully, I missed the State of the Union address. We’re at war, in recession, and the ship of state is taking on water. And that’s the good news.
As always it was great to get a chance to talk to so many women from around the country and the world. And to dance wildly with a bunch of gals, pals old and new. I’m the luckiest lesbian. Who could not like walking around hearing, “We love you, Kate”? I’ve asked Kate Ryan, who lives in Brooklyn, if she would come up and tail me as I go about my day, doing errands, getting stuff for the Super Bowl/Super Tuesday party. She said she’d stand on the corner of 73rd and Broadway and say, “We love you Kate!” I promised I’d plug her show.
January 29, 2008
K8T Asks: Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris as his media rep and avatar. Sylvester Stallone has a new Rambo movie out - which candidate should he rep for? What other match ups would you like to see?
Kate wants to hear from you! The next question of the week, straight from Kate, is: "Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris as his media rep and avatar. Sylvester Stallone has a new Rambo movie out - which candidate should he rep for? What other match ups would you like to see?"
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell her what you think! No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
January 25, 2008
See Alice?
The brilliant journalist Barbara Ehrenreich opined recently [http://www.alternet.org.story/74595] and hilariously, “With all the talk about how to stimulate it, you’d think that the economy is a giant clitoris.” She says in “Clitoral Economics” that the challenge for the Fed’s Ben Bernanke is “how best to get the economy engorged and throbbing again.”
Ain’t gonna happen with that stubbly beard.
While the island of Manhattan fantasizes itself the epi-center of the financial world and does indeed look clitoral nestled between the vulvar folds of New Jersey and Long Island, this economy has nothing to do with that sweet bud of pleasure.
This economy, shrunken from an addiction to the steroids of tax cuts, a dependence on the acujack of sub-prime mortgages and the Viagra of war spending, is more penile than clitoral. How’s that for a gender card? And what goes up must come down. Except that we’ve been the main party animal/sex addict at the global orgy and when we step out of the daisy chain to get some lube or take a nap, everybody gets freaked.
This is so much fun. I’ve got a million of ‘em. Is that a stimulus package or are you just happy to see me? You know the wide stance joke is coming. If it’s been up more than four years, call your doctor.
Unless it’s President Curveball. Instead of putting money into unemployment insurance, or into states to help them balance budgets, which they must do, unlike some people I know, George is giving everybody a parting rebate check, like it’s his money he’s throwing around. And he’s giving that post-911 spiel about going out and buying more mountains of things. It’s patriotic.
Sometimes I don’t know whether to laugh, cry or burn the furniture.
January 18, 2008
Bush as Belichick
"In his first Presidential summer, with the Crawford split-rail, photo-op fence behind him, George Bush, the science guy, squinted into the sun and announced his Just Say No to embryonic cells in stem cell research. It was kind of..."
a href="http://kateclinton.com/kate-multimedia/writing">http://kateclinton.com/kate-multimedia/writing
January 14, 2008
Creating Change in Seattle
During the grand scheming of presidential politics, it’s always nice to remember what Tip O’Neill, the grand old pol of Massachusetts used to say, “How ‘bout them Patriots?”
Nah, he didn’t say that. The New England Patriots weren’t around when he was shaking political hands and making deals. Although, how about them?
No, Tip said, “All politics is local.”
So it was great to go to Seattle, one of my favorite cities, and kick off my “Hilarity 08 Tour” and emcee an event sponsored by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. The Second Annual Heroes Dinner honored their beloved longtime activist, Louise Chernin, who gave a rousing acceptance speech that spanned her years of activism from the women’s peace encampment around Boeing to stop Cruise missile production to her current work with the Seattle Chamber of Commerce.
The crowd needed some rousing, because they were distraught that their football team, the Seahawks had just lost in the snow of Lambeau field to the Green Bay Packers. It was like sitting Shiva. But that buzzkill was more than offset by the news that a group of four local women were about to buy the WNBA Seattle Storm. I suggested they might also get a deal on the Seahawks.
The Seattle locals also honored the work of the Task Force. headquartered in DC, and involved in local training and activism for more than 30 years. Matter of fact, if you can, come to Detroit in February – it won’t be cold, thanks to global warming – for Creating Change, the 20th Annual raucous caucus of GLBT activists from around the world. You’ll feel better. I’ll be the Comedy Concierge for three days of events.
The Task Force has been talking about Change before it became the buzzword of this presi-season. I wish they had trademarked it. That’s what I call fundraising. They could buy the Redskins. And then change the team name.
K8T Asks: What plot twists do you predict for the L-Word?
Kate wants to hear from you! The next question of the week, straight from Kate, is: "What plot twists do you predict for the L-Word in the fifth season? Sadly they will not include the sex therapist in the red ball nose."
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell her what you think! No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
January 08, 2008
Kate's Got a Brand New Vlog!
In addition to posting in her award-winning blog, CommuniKate, Kate has a new vlog: Hilarity Clinton! Kate's video blog is hosted featured on Logo Online's Visible Vote '08 as well as AfterEllen.com:
Don't forget, you can also catch Kate blogging at Huffington Post, Olivia Connect, and OurChart. Click a logo to see her posts.
Calling all fans! Blog awards season approaches...
Calling all fans! You may remember that last June, CommuniKate was named one of About.com's Top Ten Lesbian Blogs. Want to help extend Kate's reach even farther? Then please consider nominating CommuniKate for the following blog contests. Thanks in advance for any nominations - and for reading and commenting on CommuniKate!
2008 Blogger's Choice Awards
Nominations due THIS FRIDAY, January 11
Suggested categories: Best Humor Blog, Best Political Blog, Best Blog Design, Best Celebrity Blogger
2008 Bloggies
You can nominate Kate for up to three categories, and your ballot must include at least three nominations. Suggested categories: best weblog about politics, best glbt weblog, most humorous weblog, best-kept secret weblog
The full name of Kate's blog:
Kate Clinton CommuniKate
The full URL / web address of Kate's blog:
http://kateclinton.com/communikate/blog.html
January 04, 2008
In The Life- A Wide Stance
IN THE LIFE's January episode, Wide Stance, will feature a diverse collection of stories, from a look at a film that examines biblical language about homosexuality, to a photo essay of men dancing together. Throughout the show, the ever-controversial Margaret Cho, and lesbian comic Kate Clinton, will go head-to-head in conversation.
Go to their website www.inthelifetv.org to find out when the show will air in
your local area or to watch it now for free. For those of you in New York
this episode will broadcast January 20th at 10:30PM on channel 13.
Our State of Affairs is a Great State Fair
Though I was born in Buffalo, when I was ten we moved to Syracuse, “the home of the New York State Fair!” my mother chirped excitedly like some Central New York Booster on speed. I already hated summer fairs, having been dragged through the baby goat barn at the Erie County Fair. I always dreaded summer’s end, not because school was about to start up and I hadn’t lost ten pounds, but because the State Fair was about to begin.
That meant being unable to beg off attending, by claiming I was perfecting my jack-knife at the city pool. On thee hottest day, we would sit stuck in traffic, bare backs of legs stuck to the leatherette of our Ford Fairlane, park in an open scrub field, knowing that we would never see our car again, slog with other family pods to the long lines at the arching gates into a shadeless hell.
The fairgrounds were located next to the Bristol-Meyers plant and Crucible steel mill that everyone knew was dumping into Onondaga Lake. The annual spring regatta generally had the slowest times because no life-respecting coxswain wanted to win and get tossed into the lake. Supposedly the site has been eco-vacuumed, to make room for the Carousel Mall, but friends say that if you toss a cigarette butt, the parking lot will ignite. ‘Third eye’ takes on new meaning. That vision has prompted some local developers to expand and build “Destiny” a mall bigger than the Pentagon shaped mall in Minnesota.
On humid hot fair days the yellowish chemical air carried fried dough particulate from the Midway. The festival of junk food mocked the goody-two shoes Home Ec Pavilion. Even at ten, I pitied performers, squinting and sweating on the mainstage. Loser! Your career is over! Because of early gyroscopic, inner ear damage from spinning/falling down contests with my brothers, I hate rides. If you ever see a picture of me, hair blown back, in mid-Munch scream, elbows locked, it will be me on the stationary horse on the carousel. I loved the hostility of bumper cars, but that was just me blowing off steam.
All this to perhaps explain why I loathe Iowa. The Gateway to the Rectangular States. Not even three million people. All of them farmers who’ve got nothing better to do than pout if a candidate doesn’t have a meal at their house, wear their “I Heart Huckabee” button and pretend to be undecided so they can get face time on camera, and caucus endlessly.
The harvest is in and the fields are fallow. If they farm at all. The farm subsidy pyramid scam actually pays them not to plant. They feel terrible about it. Then when they’re done deciding the fate of the nation, the Children of the Corn State put on their mesh caps, hop in their giant mobile homes, at three bucks a gallon and head on down to some trailer parks for a few months on the Gulf. Jaw with their friends in the Iowa enclave about the sorry state of the world.
Hey, they make up stories about Manhattanites all the time. They hiss we are a Ssssssssanctuary City. We are Sodom and Gomorrah. Oh, and the hotel room rates are too high. I resent America held hostage to Iowa. I hate the roller coaster ride of campaigns, especially because it starts in Iowa. Where are those bumper cars when I need them?
PS – Iran doesn’t have nuclear weapons just like they don’t have gay people. I have it on the best of intelligence.
January 02, 2008
K8T Asks: What is your most embarrassing re-gifting story?
Kate wants to hear from you! The next question of the week, straight from Kate, is: "What is your most embarrassing re-gifting story? I once received a thank you note from a friend for a book I had given her for her birthday. It went like this: 'Kate, thanks for the book. I really enjoyed it, but I especially enjoyed the inscription to you from the author. That was nice.'"
To get your voice heard, simply hit the Comment link below and tell her what you think! No registration is necessary, and you can post anonymously if you want.
Happy 2008!
You’ll be happy to know that I have already broken my first New Year’s Resolution. I wanted to change my name to Plaxico Clinton, but my darling publicist nixed the idea. She’s all about the branding. Also my galpal was against it. And her name is Urvashi.
Some of you think I’d be better off changing my last name. Let’s hear it for those Americans freezing their caucuses off in Iowa for the sake of so-called democracy. Thank you. I wonder if Iowa goes into a deep depression on Friday when everybody decamps for other states. You know what? I don’t care.
We had our annual New Year’s Eve beachfire. Like bad-for-you snacks on Bowl Day, it’s a tradition. The winds were howling, the tide and surf were high, but the skies cleared a little before sunset and we went through with it. Thank god for duraflame logs. Two old Girl Scouts just fainted, but you try to lighting a fire in high winds.
We write down what we want to get rid of from the old year and toss it into the fire. Although the winds picked a couple lists up and blasted them down to Truro, we were able to tackle a couple of lists and get them into the fire. We were determined.
I burned up fear. I always do. Some say it’s an acronym for Forgetting Everything is All Right. Somewhere profoundly that might be true, but just to be safe I also burned up the Bush Administration and war. Let’s get this primary thing done and pick somebody already and get these monsters out of power.
I resolved that each one of you read Naomi Klein’s Shock Doctrine. It is a must read. Or listen to it on audiobooks. We did on our drive back to NYC and almost ran over a couple of mini-Coopers. Sorry. Get it. Read it. We’ll discuss.
Happy New Year!!
January 01, 2008
Happy New Year!
Here's To A Great 2008!
Kate
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