MashUps and Me – The Advocate, 3/30/2006

I have not spent a lot of time down at the Genius Bar at the Mac Store of Life, but I am all about the mashups. Started as digitally mixed songs in the pop music world, mashups have now jumped platforms into video. They seamlessly combine disparate content from more than one source into an integrated experience. I’m working on several mashup montages, but since I’ve been on hold with my AOL support representative for three days – and I blame Mary Cheney – I’m just going to have to describe them to you.

Pimp My President
Hair wisps spiked into a Mohawk, shining a gold tooth and elephant bling, Karl Rove rocks the West Wing to the lyrics of “It’s Hard Out There for Pimp.” “With the Cadillac and gas money spent, you got a whole lot of bitches jumpin’ ship.” Holy Valerie Plame! In the background, Condi in her dominatrix boots, works a shredder as the Jack Abramoff Dancers in black fedoras busta move. The alien warship from Independence Day suddenly roosts on the White House. Too late Karl notices a shadow on his Blackberry. Ka-boom!

Crouching Blogger, Hidden Slacker
The Japanese face a crisis with “hikikomori” – boys and young men so afraid to fail that they retreat to their rooms for years at a time. Meanwhile, American boys work out their stress issues by night-crawling in their Beamers and paying homeless guys to beat each other up. It’s East Meets West! A video game is in the works.

Trans American League of Their Own
The L-Word’s sultry boi Moira injects “T” and morphs into surly man Max. Baseball’s Barry Bonds injects steroids – excuse me, flaxseed oil – and goes from San Francisco Giant to Really Giant. A hitting montage: Max hits Jenny, Barry hits baseballs. Fans are sad: Jenny’s distraught at her FTM. Our sporty president is upset at his MVP. In spring training Bonds tries to come back with a medley as an oversized Paula Abdul. But still gets booed on the playing field. And the L girls are maxed out on Max. Yer Out!

Blazing Brokeback
Not that we need another one, but I am working on a mashup of Brokeback Mountain and Blazing Saddles. I’m going straight to the obvious scene of Ennis, Jack, Bart, Jim (The Waco Kid) and Mongo all sitting around the campfire, eating beans from a red lacquered Croisset Dutch Oven. Mongo tells Ennis to quit mumbling. You know what happens next.

Also in the works if I ever get out of AOL hell:
“Oprah’s Gonna Blow!” – Oprah bugeyeing “You lied to me” to Samuel Alito at his Supreme Court confirmation hearing as he bleats, “I didn’t mean what I wrote.” And “Good Will Hunting” – expert hunter Duck! Cheney shoots his friend in the face, and then like all good hunters, eats him and shares what he doesn’t eat with the rest of the village. I just might mash them all up into “A Million Little Lying Pieces.”